Nothing much surprises me anymore when I pick up a newspaper. Our modern world has evolved to a point where anything seems possible. Twenty years ago, things such as iPods, face transplants, $3.50 a gallon gas, and a Saddam/Qaddafi-free world seemed ridiculous. Now, such events seem at home in our 24/7 news cycle.
However, I can think of a number of headlines that would cause me to spit out my coffee on the morning newspaper in shock.
For instance, I think if one saw these items in their news feed, one might think hell just froze over:
- Tea Party applauds Obama’s Jobs Plan; Bachmann thinks ‘It’s best thing since sliced bread’
- Apple introduces iHead; New chip plugs into skulls, tells people what to think for $9.99 a month
- Al Gore does 180; Thinks Global Warming is a ‘crock of s#@*,’ plans to buy six SUVs and burn pallet of plastic toys for fun
- Research indicates fried foods actually clear arteries; Scientists now say a bucket of KFC a say keeps the doctor away
- In heated argument, HLN’s Nancy Grace sucks Casey Anthony into her large nostrils; Emergency workers see Tot Mom’s feet, begin emergency extraction
- Arkansas outlaws deer hunting; Majority of citizens rejoice, claiming practice not humane or friendly to our animal brothers and sisters
- Ole Miss’ Houston Nutt named AP Coach of the Year
- Larry the Cable Guy entertains White House in command performance; Obama in tears of laughter, slaps knee every time Larry says, ‘Git ‘er Done!’
- Rush Limbaugh comes out of closet, announces ‘He’s a gay man and proud of it’; Meanwhile, MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow marries Fabio in surprise ceremony
- People Magazine names Hee-Haw’s Roy Clark ‘Sexiest Man Alive’
- Charlie Sheen announces intention to become priest, takes vow of celibacy
- Fight erupts in rural Arkansas Bar; Two men arrested after arguing if wearing linen after Labor Day is appropriate
- Family groups praise decision to have Chaz Bono compete on Dancing with the Stars, saying the more transgender role models, the better
- ‘OK. Yes. I am a fundamentalist Muslim, I was not born in America, and I have the mark of the beast,’ Obama finally admits to Barbara Walters – but promises such things will not interfere with his ability to govern
- Jersey Shore star Snooki and Kardashian sisters impress scientists with their paper detailing primordial black holes
- Sean Hannity’s head explodes after Rev. Al Sharpton admits to him McCain would have been better president that Obama
- Arkansas Weekly columnist Rob Grace receives Pulitzer Prize; Committee praises writer for his ‘consistently intelligent and incisive writing.’
People magazine's latest 'Sexiest Man Alive'
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