It’s April 30 as I type these words, and I don’t know about you, but I’m thinking about packing the truck and heading to Stillwater, Oklahoma this weekend.
Well, I’ll tell you why, neighbor: it’s the 18th annual Tumbleweed Testicle Festival, tonight through May 2!
That’s right! All-you-can-eat fried calf testicles! My stomach is growling for some right now!
Can you hear it?
Man, I can’t wait to plop a bunch of these babies in my mouth.
These Tumbleweed Testicle Festivals sound fun. Lots of music from acts such as Cross Canadian Ragweed, Pat Green and Miranda Lambert; gallons of beer; and buckets of fried calf testicles!
The festival draws over 30,000 folks a year, according to the Oklahoma State University’s newspaper, The Daily O’Collegian. Willie Nelson, Merle Haggard and Hank Williams, Jr. have all appeared at the festival, and I’m sure they’ve all enjoyed a delicious meal of fried calf testicles.
You may not know this, but to prepare fried calf testicles, one peels the raw testicle; coats it in flour, salt and pepper; then POUNDS that sucker until it’s flat and drops it in the deep-fryer. Yummy! (Duffie Bryant, my fellow columnist, might have a better recipe. Who knows?)
Of course, fried calf testicles are not just served in these parts. They’re a popular dish in Canada, Italy and Spain. And they go by different names as well: Rocky Mountain oysters, Montana tendergroin, cowboy caviar and, of course, the always popular -- swinging beef.
I’m so hungry for some cowboy caviar that I can’t wait to go all the way to Oklahoma. I’m heading to the butcher right now! I’m gonna get a bagful of some swinging beef and fry up some Montana tendergroin for lunch!
I’ll save some for you in a doggie bag. You’ll love ‘em!
The entire American political machine – populated by Democrats and Republicans – is a corrupt and infected institution that has divided the country into schoolyard factions who only see black and white and no shades of gray, no spirit of simple cooperation.
Besides being grammatically questionable (I’m quite certain my former high school grammar teacher, Tommie McDonald, could find a million things grammatically questionable in that sentence), that statement is also wrong.
The entire American political machine is not corrupt and infected. There are effective politicians from the local level to the national level that serve free of party bias and partisanship.
Say what you will about the recent defection of Sen. Arlen Specter from the G.O.P to the Democrats, but I was impressed by this comment from him: “Whatever my party affiliation, I will continue to be guided by President Kennedy’s statement that sometimes a party asks too much. When it does, I will continue my independent voting and follow my conscience on what I think is best for Pennsylvania and America.”
That’s the kind of attitude more political leaders need to embrace rather than spurn.
Remind me to send him a batch of my fried calf testicles for being such a stand-up guy.
Oh, and here’s an unsigned e-mail I received regarding that particular column:
In your article on April 22, you suggested several people should take a cruise to the coast of Somalia. Mr. Grace, if you think, as you said, everything in America is going to be o.k., well, I think you must already be on some kind of trip. How in the world can you think this? Mr. Obama saying that we are not a Christian nation is bad enough besides all of the other silly things he has done. He is trying to silence all that oppose his agenda. When homeland security comes out and puts our veterans on a watch list, does this not concern you? There are so many things that have happened…I do not have time to list all of them. But Mr. Grace you need to open your eyes and see what is happening and look at history to see what has happened to other countries when their leaders wanted no opposition. If people do not take interest in what is happening, before long I fear your freedom that you enjoy as a writer for your paper may be taken from you.
GOD BLESS THE USA
I think this particular reader needs to chill and relax. Obama’s not the boogeyman ultra conservatives make him out to be.
Reader, if you send me your mailing address, I’ll send you some of my delicious cowboy caviar.
That should make you feel better.
Finally, a final note regarding that particular column…
I’d like to add one more name to the manifest of the Somalia coast-bound cruise ship: Adam Lambert, the creepy American Idol finalist. If it weren’t for his first name, I could swear this dude is a dudette. A manly dudette, yes, but still a dudette.
I bet he squirms at the sight of some Montana tendergroin. But if he would eat a batch, I think it might man him up, don’t you?
Yes? Me too.