The following is my column for next week's Arkansas Weekly.
The whiskers are back, and my grandmother is not happy.
“Are you growing a beard?!?” she asked me the other day.
“Umm…I don’t know…”
I had just returned to town after a week and basically threw away my razor during that time.
“Why would you want to grow a BEARD?!?” she asked me. “Why would you want to cover up that beautiful face?!?”
Now, I only mention that because she is my grandmother, after all. Her little Robbie is like a young George Hamilton in her eyes: thin, tan and Hollywood gorgeous. Never mind the fact that I’m the opposite of a young George Hamilton. I look more like a Marty Allen type of guy. (Marty Allen, for those younger than me, was a Vegas comedian. Do a Google Image search on him, and you’ll see what I mean about Allen being the opposite of George Hamilton.)
Back to my grandmother…
“I just think beards are so ugly,” she said.
“I’m probably going to shave it soon,” I said.
“Well, I hope so. Don’t know why you’d want to cover up that beautiful face.”
My little sister saw the whiskers as well that afternoon.
“Are you growing a beard?” she asked in a tone that sounded more like You’re kidding, right? “No,” I said with a sigh, “I’m only taking a break from the razor for a few days.”
“It’s red. That’s weird.”
At this point in the conversation I wanted to say, Well if you would have read my column from a month or so ago, you would have realized that, though I have had silver hair since I shaved my head, my facial whiskers have always been somewhat red. But then, you don’t read my column, do you little sister? Only our mother reads this column along with a few area English teachers who use it as a device to teach students how NOT to write.
Oh, woe is me.
* * *By now, the Lucero Family Picnic will have come and gone.
Lucero, for those who don’t know, is a nationally known, Memphis-based rock band with an enormous following in this area. They’re extremely talented and also very nice guys.
Steve Thomas, the man behind Batesville Promotions, told me that tickets for the event have been sold to folks from Texas, Arizona, Colorado, Illinois, Missouri, California, Canada – even Rome, Italy (!).
If all goes well, the event will bring the Batesville area lots of tourism cash, will hopefully become an annual event, and will expose a lot of folks to this beautiful area we call home.
I’m hoping that I’ll be able to meet the folks from Rome.
I’ll show ‘em a good time in Batesville…maybe take ‘em to the Moose.
* * *Everybody knows Darren McFadden, correct?
The Razorback running back and Heisman favorite is the Big Man on Campus up in Fayetteville, and one would think that he would like to keep a low profile.
So, it came as a shock the other day to see D-Mac cruising down Fayetteville’s Joyce Boulevard in his Razorback red Mercury Grand Marquis. The thing is I don’t know what shocked me the most: the D-Mac license plate on the front of the car, or the fact that the Grand Marquis – a grandmother favorite if there ever was one – was mounted on monster truck tires.
Not the huge monster truck tires, but tires big enough to keep the vehicle about four or five feet off the ground.
So, the next time you’re in Fayetteville, be on the lookout for that car. It’s not a senior citizen trying out for the next Monster Truck championship. It’s only D-Mac.
* * *Now, for all the music folks out there, here’s this week’s playlist from yours truly – songs I’ve been listening to for the past week or two. Download some of these and enjoy…
“Radio Nowhere” – Bruce Springsteen, from his upcoming CD, Magic. It sounds as if Bruce has been listening to some Pearl Jam – and that’s a good thing.
Cold Roses, disc one – Ryan Adams. A two-year-old double album, disc one of Roses would have been more than enough. This single disc would have made the CD the best album by any artist in three or four years. Magnificent musical and lyrical craftsmanship.
“Silver Lining,” “The Moneymaker,” “Under the Blacklight,” and “Give a Little Love,” from Under the Blacklight by Rilo Kiley. I usually approach much-hyped bands with a bit of skepticism, but download these four songs from the California-based band’s latest CD, and you’ll realize the hype is justified.