Sunday, September 24, 2006

The Pros & Cons of jackass number two

First things first: jackass number two is beyond deranged. There are moments that will make you sick. Even reading this post will make some of you queasy, so if you're easily offended, stop reading now. You will feel better about yourself in the morning -- trust me.

Second things second: There were countless times in this movie where I laughed until my head hurt. Yet, I feel so...ashamed. (Well, no -- I really don't. I'm just saying that in case those of you who think highly of me and who ignored my above warning went ahead and read the rest of this post anyway.)

By now, many of you will know that the jackass series originated from crude homemade videos from a group of California-based skateboarders, headed by ringleader Johnny Knoxville, doing all types of extremely dangerous stunts and pranks. MTV developed and aired a series with the crew and then spent $5 million on a feature film that ended up grossing $60 million.

And now, there is jackass number two -- which features: Steve-O (undoubtedly the sickest and most decadent man west of the Mississippi) sticking a large fishhook through his cheek and using himself as bait for sharks; various on-camera shots of the gang defecating and vomiting; Steve-O putting a leech on his eyeball; a prank involving the crew shaving their pubic hair and using it for a fake beard on another unsuspecting member of the gang; a snake biting a penis; various (too many, actually) shots of dangling testicles; the consumption of horse semen and horse excrement; a shattered front tooth; Steve-O receiving a beer enema and then expelling the stuff; and a full frontal shot of wee man, the little person of the crew.

What's exasperating about most of those scenes is this: they're not all that funny. (Wait: the naked wee man prank and the fake beard bit are pretty hilarious.) It's the tame stuff that's hits the bullseye: the second half of the prank involving the unfortunate member of the jackass family with the fake beard; director and jackass co-creator Spike Jonze wandering the streets as a topless and confused elderly woman; a prank where some of the crew is trapped in a limo with thousands of bees; an insane bungee-jump that is priceless (the funniest bit in the movie, for my money); as well as plenty of others.

It's the disgusting bits that are the price one pays for the real humor in jackass number two. I suppose if I was 25 years younger (yikes! that hurt to write), the sight of a man defecating into the miniature toilet of a doll's house might prompt a belly laugh. The inclusion of such stuff in this movie is clearly aimed at the 15 to 20 year old audience who are supposed to -- gulp -- eat that stuff up. Yet in the matinee I attended, those in that age group were laughing harder at the bits that didn't have to do with such literal...um...shit.

Which somewhat proved my point: you see one turd, you've seen 'em all. Move on, already guys. The true belly laughs -- and there are many -- in jackass number two come from being in the spirit of the first word of the flick's title, not the last two.

By the way...after seeing the wrecklessness of some of these stunts, I'm afraid that if the guys aren't more careful, one of 'em is going to end up like this man.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

New movies in Batesville this week!


Man, who in Batesville needs to see the new Brian De Palma film or Little Miss Sunshine, when these three masterpieces are opening at the Carmike Oaks 7 Cinema:

EVERYBODY’S HERO – An animated adventure that features Babe Ruth’s talking baseball bat. And to think that the same studio executives who approved this production were the same executives who shot down my pitch about Mean Joe Greene’s talking athletic supporter. I’m calling my lawyer. RATED G.

MATERIAL GIRLS – Hilary Duff continues her transition to complete celebrity insignificance with this month-old flop about two rich sisters who lose everything and have to cope with the real world. Hilary’s real life sis, Haylie, plays Hilary’s sis in the movie. It should be noted that Haylie is the one Duff who has actually appeared in a successful film – Napoleon Dynamite. It should also be noted that the only other cinema playing this particular movie is located in Hell. It’s on a triple bill with Step Up and The Covenant. RATED PG-13.

STEP UP – Another month-old leftover, Step Up concerns a guy (played by someone named Channing Tatum) who just has to DANCE! I suppose it’s like a male version of Flashdance or Dirty Dancing. Insiders in Washington say the C.I.A. repeatedly screened this film at Guantanamo Bay as a method of torture. The agency, however, pulled the film from the prison after guards realized many detainees had secretly started a Channing Tatum fan club. Strange but true. I think. RATED PG-13.

And, of course, The Covenant, The Wicker Man and Talledega Nights (which has been on for at least 19 weeks) continue their runs at the fantastic Carmike Oaks 7 Cinema! Hooray for Hollywood and Carmike Cinemas!

By the way, re the above pic of Channing Tatum. I usually wear that same outfit whenever I go to Wal-Marts. Odd, huh?


Thursday, September 07, 2006

All is right in the world -- Part 2.

See -- I'm telling you.

These are good times.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Jerry Bruckheimer -- watch your back!

Hit machine/film and tv producer Jerry Bruckheimer better watch his back! Twin Peaks mastermind/complete psycho David Lynch has a new three hour epic, Inland Empire, and judging from the first notice, Lynch's film looks to blow any box office records made by Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest completely out of the water!
If you read the Variety review, I'm sure you will agree that Empire has all the makings of a bona-fide, Titanic-ish boffo box office blockbuster!
Actually, I'm quite fond of Mr. Lynch's work. Though, I'm very sure I wouldn't want to go camping with the man.

All is right in the world.

Wait a minute.

There's a little light seeping through the clouds.

For now, gas prices are dropping. A new oil field has been discovered. Biodiesel and ethanol plants are growing at a rapid rate.

And -- more importantly -- Bob Dylan's superb new album entered at number one on the Nielsen SoundScan album charts, and Jessica Simpson's new album only entered at number five.

In other words, 64-year-old Dylan just whupped Jessica Simpson's butt.

All is right in the world.

Or, come October 10, maybe not.